my journey from doubt to building inner strength and conviction

When I was ten, I played Mario on my Nintendo console in a dark room.

Video games were more than just a fascination; they were a world that rewarded my curiosity.

I could play them alone or with friends, and I loved finding secret levels and codes that gave me an advantage.

Sharing these with my friends brought me great joy, and I felt an unparalleled sense of accomplishment.

I was a curious and friendly child, always eager to explore new things and share my discoveries.

However, my enthusiasm for video games didn’t help me with physical activities.

The Weeds of Doubt

My physical coordination was not on the same level, and growing up, I always used to fall and scrape my knees. I was not bothered by it, but the falls were moments of frustration and fear for my mother.

She would label me clumsy, which hurt me more than the injury.

At first, I couldn’t understand why it was such a big problem.

But in time, even I started to see myself as clumsy.

My father often had a pessimistic view, and his disappointment seeped into my self-perception.

When I struggled, I needed encouragement. Instead, I received disappointed looks.

His words, ‘We can’t do anything right’ echoed in my mind.

That became my internal narrative without me realizing it.

In those moments, I felt a profound sense of inadequacy.

The Evolving Garden

As I grew older, this sense of inadequacy followed me, shaping my interactions and self-image.

I carried it into school, affecting my ability to trust others.

I replayed the image of my father’s disappointed face and my mother’s anxious scolding whenever I faced a challenge.

It was a heavy burden that seemed impossible to shed.

However, things started to change when I read David J. Schwartz's book "The Magic of Thinking Big." 

This book taught me about the power of our inner dialogue and showed me that our self-talk could be harmful or healing.

Discovering this was like unlocking a secret level in a video game. I learned that positive thinking and constructive self-talk could lead to success.

It showed me the crucial role of belief in shaping my attitude. I dove deep into psychology, neuroscience, and coaching.

At the same time, I started journaling regularly. This practice of reflection and understanding my emotions became my guide.

It became the tool that helped me better understand my mind.

I saw my mind as a complex ecosystem with thoughts, feelings, and beliefs that interconnected and influenced each other.

I started to see my mind as a garden, with beautiful plants and flowers and parasite weeds that grew alongside.

The moment I realized the power of positive thinking, everything changed.

The transformation was gradual but profound.

Before…

I saw myself as clumsy and inadequate, burdened by the labels others had placed on me.

Afterwards…

I viewed myself as capable and curious, eager to nurture my mental garden.

I became like a gardener for my mind, understanding the need to maintain it.

That meant watering and nurturing the plants I wanted to grow and weeding out the harmful, self-sabotaging thoughts.

Meditation and Self-Compassion: Tending the Garden

But I couldn’t just pull out a negative thought or emotion. Instead, I observed and accepted them.

This is where meditation became valuable.

Healing involved not suppressing my emotions but fully feeling them.

It was about learning to accept, let go, and show kindness to yourself. Feeling all my emotions was challenging, especially when I was not used to it.

But now I know that feeling them fully makes me more peaceful in the long run. Like a garden that needs sunshine and rain to grow, I learned to sit with my joys and pains.

Seeing every emotion as part of my growth has been crucial. It helps me care for my mental garden gently, allowing each emotion to come and go naturally.

It allows me to choose which emotions and thoughts to grow.

This story matters because it shows the importance of nurturing our inner dialogue and emotions.

Overcoming self-doubt is not easy. It involves recognizing who we want to be and what traits we want to develop.

It means seeing every fall, scrape, and so-called ‘failure’ as a chance to learn and strengthen.

It's also not work that ends; it requires continuous effort.

My tools were journaling and meditation, but every gardener has their tools.

Your mind is a garden; nurture it carefully, and it will flourish beyond your wildest dreams.

How would you want your garden to look like?